Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Young Years

I don't remember much from my childhood. I guess that makes sense being I came from an abusive home and probably blocked most of it out. My "dad" was the abusive alcoholic in the family. Now, I'm not going to go into any details, but let's just say I've seen some things a 2 year old should never have to see. With how bad my memory is, I'm quite surprised I even remember some of the events that took place in my baby years. I guess you could say that this was a big part of my life that caused a lot of the hurt I've had. And I guess you could say that I hate my "dad", absolutely hate him. I am a forgiving type of person, but you don't do that to your family, you don't physically or mentally abuse the ones you're supposed to love.

I haven't talked to my biological father in years, and I'd very much so like to keep it that way. It is especially sad when you never get a phone call on birthdays or any other important holidays. I have built a wall when I was younger telling myself I don't care that I don't have a dad. But deep down inside there was still that hurt. What really bothered me about not having a dad was the fact that he didn't care, he didn't care about me, and he didn't care about my sister. He has been in and out of jail for beating his past girlfriends, and I can't say I feel sorry for him. Many people say that alcoholics and drug addicts can't help their addiction, but my perspective is totally different. I have had a crazy childhood, I have been emotionally hurt, I have been through so much more than anyone could ever imagine, more than any words could describe... and I am not an addict. You have the choice whether or not to be a good person, and if you are not a good person, then I definitely do not feel sorry for you in any way.

But I am grateful, I am grateful for the amazing mother God has given me. And though my mom may not be religious, I believe that I am blessed to have her. She has always been there for me, and she continues to be there for me to this day. I couldn't ask for a better mom. We have had our share of arguments, but so does every other angsty teen and her mom. I really do appreciate everything she has done for me, and I am definitely proud to call her my mother. And although I don't have a biological dad, I do have a real one, my mom's husband of 5 years, Chuck. He loves and cares about my family and I, he always put dinner on the table, and to me, that's what a real dad is. I have never called him "Dad", just Chuck, but that doesn't mean that I don't consider him my dad, because I do. I never really got along with him when I still lived at home, but that was only because I was a teenager who didn't always get what she wanted. I realize now that my parents only wanted what was best for me, and I will admit that I learned that the hard way. So I just want both of them to know, that I am very thankful to have them in my life.

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